Mormon Bloggers

~by Becca

Several years ago, when my children were all very small, it was a very busy morning.  I was trying to get my four little ones dressed and ready to be out the door so we wouldn’t be late dropping one off for pre-school.  I was bent over in the closet trying to find a matching pair of shoes that my daughter would be willing to wear.  Behind me I could hear little voices with different needs and then the phone rang.  I felt frustration as I stepped out of the closet to run get the phone. It was my visiting teacher.  She asked how I was doing, and I responded in my best voice. “Just fine, how are you?” I really did think I was fine, since some mornings felt hectic, like this one did. She told me she was well and asked again, “How are you really doing?” Again, I said, “Fine.” Her response surprised me when she said, “That’s not what I’ve been told.”

I quickly wondered who she had been talking to, and even glanced out the window wondering if a neighbor could see in my window as shoes were being flung from the closet. I said, “Oh! Who have you been talking to?” She said, “Heavenly Father. You see, every morning I pray for you. I ask Heavenly Father to bless you to have a good day and that your needs might be met. This morning, I felt that you might need a little extra help today. Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of you. I am also here to help you in any way. I would like to bring dinner over tonight. What time is good for you?”

I blinked back the tears as I felt so overwhelmed and amazed. Even though this was a happy and good time in my life, some days were hard and overwhelming, just with the daily responsibilities.  Heavenly Father wanted me to know that he loved me and was aware of me and my needs. This dear sister was in tune to the Spirit. She brought dinner over to my family that night and once again reminded me that she loved me and was willing to help me out anytime. She also told me how much Heavenly Father loved me.

A few weeks ago I ran into this dear sister. I told her that I had been reminded of this experience that involved her. To my surprise, she didn’t remember. As I thought about our conversation, the experience I had years earlier became even sweeter. I felt good knowing she had been an instrument in God’s hands to help me, but to her, it was another day. She had not served me to receive recognition, blessings, or other rewards. She truly had acted on inspiration. Sometimes life is like that!  We are impressed to help someone out. It can make a huge impact in their life, and we go on never knowing how inspired we were in our acts of service.

Well, I certainly got a bit of a surprise today when the Mormon Times printed a submission from an ex-Mormon. Although the Mormon Times is not an official website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it does tend to restrict itself to publishing faith-promoting news about the Church. It is operated by the Deseret News, which is owned by the LDS Church.

But there’s a reason. This ex-Mormon, Adam Lowe, did not turn into a drama queen and launch a crusade against the Church. In fact, he continues to praise the LDS Church’s home teaching program in this Mormon Times article. That’s because his first home teacher, who he identifies as “Brother O”, set the example for proper home teaching back in 1986. How did he do it?

– He always taught very detailed and interesting lessons
– Challenged the children in the family to memorize scripture verses which they were expected to recite upon his next visit.
– Always sent cards on family members’ birthdays.

Oh, and by the way, Adam Lowe’s home teacher was not just an ordinary ward member. He was also a Regional Representative (abolished in 1995; supplanted by Area Seventies). A Regional Representative basically lived out of a suitcase, always traveling, visiting the wards and stakes in the area to which he was assigned. Yet he found time not only to satisfy his additional calling as a home teacher, but to take it seriously.

The example was not lost on either Adam Lowe or his father. When they went out to home teach, they researched the needs of their families. Perhaps they even prayed for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. But they tailored each visit to the specific needs of the family. Those who wanted a formal lesson got a formal lesson, while those who preferred a social visit, talking about hunting, etc., got a social visit.

Adam Lowe does not disclose the circumstances behind his departure from the Church. But to this day, the positive examples of home teaching not only by his first home teacher, but also his own father, have stayed with him. He writes:

I’m no longer a believer in Mormonism, but I will always remember the inspiring example of Brother O. Some people view home teaching as a chore, but he had a vision of how the program could touch people’s lives. He was also an example of the importance of magnifying one’s calling, no matter how small, as he truly believed that his responsibility to our family as our home teacher was every bit as important as his responsibility over several stakes.

Contrast this with the cavalier approach taken by many elders today. Many will wait until the 30th of the month, then make a Hail Mary last-minute visit to punch their ticket for the month so they can go back to their Elders’ Quorum President and tell him what good boys they’ve been. That approach not only makes a solemn mockery of the program, but can inspire cynicism among members, sometimes leading to apostasy and a messy divorce from the Church.

The scriptural foundation of home teaching is the commandment for priesthood holders to “watch over the church always, and be with and strengthen them” (D&C 20:53; see also D&C 20:54–55; Moroni 6:4). Through home teaching, priesthood holders join with the Lord in watching over and strengthening Church members. From the time priesthood holders are ordained to the office of teacher, they have the opportunity and responsibility to serve as home teachers. Accordingly, home teachers are assigned by priesthood leaders. They are not called, sustained, or set apart. Home teachers establish a relationship of trust with these families so that the families can call upon them in times of need. They also serve to magnify the ward bishop or branch president’s calling, to avoid overloading him with problems. Proper home teaching is effective delegation of a bishop’s authority.

Combined with the Visiting Teaching program, which is directed towards the women by the Relief Society, this ensures that individual Church members have multiple prospective sources of help if trouble arises. It may start out as “mandatory friendship”, but genuine friendships can arise. Visiting teaching is the heart and soul of Relief Society. The purposes of visiting teaching are to build caring relationships with each sister and to offer support, comfort, and friendship. In visiting teaching, both the giver and the receiver are blessed and strengthened in their Church activity by their caring concern for one another. Scriptural justifications are contained in Mosiah 18:8–9 and Moroni 6:4

Adam Lowe is to be commended for not becoming an anti-Mormon. He’s proof that ex-Mormon and anti-Mormon need not be synonymous.

Yesterday at church, the women gathered together for our Visiting Teaching Conference.  All of us are given the opportunity to be visiting teachers, which is when we are assigned a partner and women to teach in our ward (congregation) and uplift.  This conference is to teach us about the importance of this program.

Our visiting teaching coordinator who taught the lesson did so very well, making great points and adding some humor, including some funny videos about how not to visit teach.

A friend of mine raised her hand at one point to bring up something I mentioned years ago about why I thought visiting teaching is so important.  When my husband worked for a minor home repair program that’s meant to assist low income people and the elderly, he went to fix something for an elderly woman one day.  As he was in the middle of this repair, the woman pulled a kitchen chair in front of her oven, opened the door, and turned the heat on.  She started to fall asleep and when she started nodding off towards the heating element, my husband had to go wake her up before her blanket caught fire.

He asked her why she was sleeping like that and it turned out her furnace had been broken for months.  That’s how she had been sleeping every night to keep warm.  I was heartbroken when I heard this story and I thought, “If she were Mormon, she would have visiting teachers.  If she had visiting teachers, this never would have happened.  Someone would have been alerted to the problem and found help for her.”

Often my husband was the first person to discover an elderly person in severe need and sometimes they were neglected by their children who had taken control over their finances.  They took the money, but left their parents with no help, living in a home with piles of garbage everywhere.  Again, good visiting teachers would never allow this to go on.  If only every woman were a part of this program!  Unfortunately, you can’t count on people to be good neighbors anymore and look after each other.

I’m so grateful for visiting teaching.  It has blessed my life in countless ways.

I’ve talked before about Visiting Teaching, one of the programs in the Mormon Church for looking after each other (this is when the women visit each other, see to each others’ needs, and bring them a spiritual message for the month).

After stressing all week to the point of feeling sick over our medical benefits problem, I woke up at 4am yesterday morning and started working again on everything we need to do to qualify for help.  I was completely overwhelmed and not long after that, my youngest son woke up.  He rarely wakes up early and it just so happened to be that morning, when I was working my hardest to get things done before the kids woke up.

Needless to say, I was discouraged.  Not long after that, my baby woke up and she is at a very active stage and requires a lot of attention.  I didn’t know how I would accomplish even half of what I needed to do yesterday.  I had so many phone calls to make that would most likely require being on hold, many documents to locate and copy, forms to print and fill out, and I had one of those rare moments where I needed help, both emotionally and physically. 

I have a new visiting teacher and I thought back to months ago when she asked if she could come over sometime and hold my baby.  I know she was hoping to hold a newborn baby, but I decided to ask anyway.  I e-mailed her and explained my dilemma and she was able to work in a visit into her day.  I was so grateful and she has no idea how much it helped just to come over and hold my baby, play with her, and keep an eye on her.  I didn’t have to worry that she was going to pull up on something and fall down or put something in her mouth that she shouldn’t.  It was such a simple thing, but it gave me such freedom to do what I needed to.

After she held her for a while, she took both of my kids for a walk and they came home to a more relaxed mom.  It was a beautiful day and I’m glad they got to go out in the sunshine. 

I am praying for special blessings for my friend for being so generous with her time.  What are some experiences you have had with friends giving you service in simple ways?  It’s amazing what little things can do for you.

One of my greatest friends (who I got to know when I was made her visiting teacher) comes over every Wednesday night and it is a blessing to both of us.  My husband is always gone until late, I don’t get very many opportunities to spend time with friends, she lives alone, and we both love to cook together.

Sometimes we’ll take turns cooking and when it’s her night, I take advantage of the fact that I don’t have to plan dinner by getting some chores done around the house.  Usually I buy the ingredients and send her home with leftovers too.  She was out of work for a long time, being laid-off immediately after returning from medical leave.  As she still searches for a full-time job, it’s a blessing to her that she gets two meals a week she doesn’t have to pay for.  I am thrilled that I have a night where I don’t have to cook or to have a better meal than we normally do.  It’s hard to make anything wonderful with three rowdy boys and a baby girl.

Most of all, it is just fun.  We watch movies, we play games, we share our hopes for the future, we give each other encouragement, and laugh our heads off.

I don’t think she understands how much she blesses my life.  I went through a really hard time a couple years ago – not something I can share with most people and she had no idea how difficult Wednesday nights are for me.  With her here, I find myself thinking less about the trial I went through and this night has become a positive instead of a negative.  We started this tradition almost two years ago when she offered to come cook me dinner for my birthday.  We had so much fun, she started coming over more often and then it became a tradition set it stone.   We don’t give up our Wednesday nights with each other unless one of us is sick or out of town.

Last year she blew me away making me a chocolate cheesecake garnished with chocolate covered strawberries.  It was absolutely amazing!  We feel like we’re family.  To me, close friends are like the family you choose.

Years ago when I made my first trip on an airplane, as the flight attendants instructed us on what to do in case of an emergency, I found myself feeling upset about one of the directions given.  They said if we lost pressure in the cabin, that these oxygen masks would drop down and we should attach our own first and then put the masks on our children.

Back then I wasn’t a mother yet, but I thought, “What?  How could I possibly allow my child to be deprived of oxygen even for a moment?”  Then it was explained that if we put it on the children first, we might pass out before we are able to get them on ourselves.  Logically I know that makes complete sense, but being a mother now, I can only picture myself frantically getting the masks on my children because I imagine I would feel selfish putting mine on first.

This scenario has played through my mind through the years as I realized it applies to so many things.  It is hard to mother if you haven’t eaten, showered, given yourself some quiet time to pray, meditate, study the scriptures, or continue to develop and maintain our skills and talents.  As my visiting teacher talked to me today, the lesson she shared was somewhat related and we talked about how hard it is to take care of ourselves when we have babies.

We agreed that we are better mothers when we have what we need and it isn’t doing our children any favors to neglect ourselves until our patience wears thin.  We need to teach by example.  If we take no time to have prayer and scripture study, how will our children learn to make that a priority in their lives?  How will they learn to take care of themselves?

To help our kids, we need to help ourselves first.  I think there is a fine line between being selfless and being a martyr.  Of course we should serve our kids and constantly have their best interest in mind, but not to the detriment of our well being.

It’s been my goal with my 4th born child to do a better job taking care of myself and I’ve learned how important it is.  As a result of making sure I get all of the meals I need, I find myself enjoying this baby even more than my others – not that I love her more, but that I’m not as frazzled.  Even on her crankiest days, I find it easier to take it with a sense of humor and appreciate her various expressions. 

Trying not to fall into old habits, I went beyond my goal one morning and made myself an omelette, even garnished with sliced green onion and diced tomatoes.  It was a proud moment for me and a symbol of my new perspective on what good mothering is.   

The visiting teaching lesson for this month is Stand Strong and Immovable in Faith and it lists 8 essential things we need to do to strengthen our relationship with our Savior.  This was what led to our conversation, how we shouldn’t allow anything to interfere with the things below because we need them just as much as our bodies need nourishment.

1. Make and keep covenants with Him.

2. Are worthy and worship in His temples.

3. Study His doctrine in the scriptures and the words of prophets.

4. Qualify for, recognize, and follow the Holy Ghost.

5. Share and defend His gospel.

6. Participate in sincere personal and family prayer.

7. Have family home evening.

8. Live principles of self-reliance and provident living.

And off I go to accomplish another item on my to do list.