Mormon Bloggers

With these 100 degree Texas temperatures and a family beach vacation next week water safety has been on my mind a lot lately. As the temperatures heat up and children get out of school for the summer, many families will be heading to the pool, lake, and beach or filling up the backyard inflatable pool. These water-filled times bring many laughs and family memories, but water safety is a must in order to make the experience both fun and safe for children of all ages.

There are some eye-opening statistics when it comes to children and water activities:

• Approximately 3800 US children younger than 20 years visited a hospital emergency department for a nonfatal drowning event in 2008; more than 60% of those children were hospitalized.
• Approximately 1100 US children younger than 20 years died from drowning in 2006.
• Drowning is the number 2 leading cause of accidental death in children.
• Two-thirds of deaths occur from May through August.
• 282 US boys ages 15-19 died from accidental drowning in 2006.
• Only 10% of children were completely unsupervised at the time of the drowning.
• There is no evidence that drowning risk is higher in poor swimmers.
• 76% of drowning occurred when there was no pool fencing or fencing was broken.

American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) Swim Lesson Recommendations
Experts generally recommend that multiple “layers of protection” be used to prevent drowning, because no single strategy is likely to prevent all submersion deaths and injuries. Such layers might include environmental and personal measures such as:

• Adult supervision, particularly “touch supervision”
• Pool fencing
• Pool covers (only if used properly & can hold the weight of children)
• Water-entry alarms
• Lifeguards
• CPR training (Additional CPR information and courses for parents and caregivers is available through the American Heart Association and the American Red Cross).
• Using a “designated water watcher”
• Swimming and survival skills training
• Use of Personal Flotation Devices (PFDs)

Should my young child take swim lessons?
Parents may feel that swim lessons for young children can help prevent drownings, but there is little evidence that this is true. Parents may also feel pressure to enroll their young children in swim lessons because friends and neighbors may have very young swimmers. But, unfortunately many of us have witnessed our young children screaming or crying through very expensive swim lessons. How do we balance our desire to keep our children water safe and not put them (and us) through a traumatic experience? The age at which to teach water-survival skills or initiate swimming lessons must be individualized on the basis of a variety of factors such as a child’s frequency of exposure to water, health concerns related directly to the child (chemical exposure, asthma, skin allergies), water quality available, emotional maturity, and physical limitations.

In 2010 the AAP updated its previous recommendations on swim lessons in children under 4 years of age. The AAP no longer warns against swim lessons for children under 4, but does not feel there is enough evidence to recommend them either. Parents wondering what they should do may want to consider some pros and cons of early swim lessons.

Early Swim Lessons: Pros

• All children should eventually learn to swim.
• One 8- to 12-week training course for preschool-aged (24–42 months) children showed were able to develop the water-safety skills necessary to survive a fall into a home swimming pool. With training, the young children could stand and recover when dropped into 2 ft of water, kick propulsively, and get to the side of the pool after jumping in or being released in the pool by an adult.
• Some children love swim lessons and don’t experience the stress other children may exhibit.

Early Swim Lessons: Cons

• swim lessons could cause parents to develop a false sense of security leading to inadequate supervision around water.
• swimming programs might reduce a child’s fear of water and unwittingly encourage him or her to enter the water without supervision.
• some children will protest swim lessons creating a stressful, unhappy, and even fearful experience for both children and parents.

What are good swim lessons?
If you choose to enroll your young child in swim lessons, the World Aquatic Infants and Children Network has published guidelines for the operation of aquatic programs for children younger than 3 years. The guidelines address (1) required parental involvement, (2) a fun atmosphere with 1-on-1 teaching, (3) qualified teachers, (4) warm water, (5) maintenance of water purity, and (6) a limited number of submersions to prevent water ingestion and hyponatremia (an electrolyte imbalance that causes dizziness and vomiting).

Can parents make swim lessons go more smoothly?
Here are some tips parents can consider that might help make swim lessons an easier experience for you and your child. Considering some basics may help improve your experience.

Time of day: Ensure that the time you schedule lessons is generally a good time of day for your child. Some children are slow to wake up in the morning or early risers may be worn out by the time they have an afternoon lesson.

Snack: Swimming burns a lot of calories. Providing a healthy protein-rich snack (hummus, cheese cubes, nut butters) before a scheduled swim lesson may provide your child fuel to make it through swim lessons and having a snack ready for after the lesson may help avoid a meltdown on the way home. Try to avoid foods that might cause a spike and drop in blood sugars (foods high in carbs and low in fiber and protein).

Let your child “be the instructor”: Let your child give their doll or favorite superhero swim lessons in bathtub or in the backyard in a bucket before they ever begin lessons and then particularly if you are noticing they aren’t enjoying lessons. Children learn through play and are often most apt to be able to express their emotions through play. As you listen to their dialog you may get tremendous insight into any fears they have about swim lessons. This process also allows your child to feel they have some control in an adult centered situation. When your child is the “instructor” you may become informed about their opinions on the temperature of the water or how the swim instructor talks to the children in your child’s actual lessons. You can also visit a pool with your child and let them give you a lesson…just be sure to keep your head above water so you can keep your eyes on them at all times.

Let your child warm up to people: Consider your child’s temperament when deciding the lessons in which to enroll them. Ask to meet the swim instructor before your child has the first lesson and allow them a chance to meet them outside of the pool first. A chance for children to acclimate to a new caregiver is common practice in enrolling children in preschool.

Let your child warm up to the water: You may not be able to adjust the temperature of the water unless lessons are at your own house, but try to provide your children lessons in water that is a comfortable (warm) temperature for your child.

Is your child ready? Your child may not be emotionally, physically, or behaviorally ready for swim lessons this year. That is o.k. Emotionally he/she may not generally comfortable with other adults. Physically there is a lot of coordination involved in learning to swim. There are also many directions to follow and behavioral expectations with swim lessons, especially small group lessons requiring children to sit on the ledge and wait.

Are you ready? If you are not comfortable in the water or with your child being in the water with someone other than you, your child may sense that fear. If your child (or you) isn’t ready, wait and try again soon.

What can parents do?
As parents, we do so much to keep our children happy and safe. If our children are brave enough to make it through swim lessons we can put down our magazines, smart phones, and favorite summer readings to ensure we are closely watching them. We can get in the water with them and be at arms reach of young children. We can learn CPR and when we remember to pack snacks, and goggles, and sunscreen, we need to also remember to have a charged phone handy in case there is an emergency. We can check for proper pool drain covers and pool fences. We can talk to our teenagers about the dangers of horseplay and other water risks and especially that alcohol and water fun does not mix.

Remember water safety is a multi-layer approach and providing children swim lessons is only one step that may help prevent a water accident. There are links below for additional useful water safety information. I particularly like coastguard, Mario Vittone’s website (http://www.mariovittone.com/ ) and his article, Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning, which provides excellent parent friendly insight for water safety.

Hope you have a fun-filled summer and stay water safe.

What have you decided about swim lessons for your child?

You’ve probably heard that listening to music, specifically Mozart’s music, makes young children smarter. Obviously, this statement isn’t quite on-target, but there might be some substance to the idea that music positively affects children’s brain development. Two recent research studies on the topic of music in child development give us some helpful information that spans the spectrum of professional thought on the subject. So even though that “Young Mozart” CD won’t make your child more intelligent, you might want to hang onto it for other reasons.

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Developmental Milestones: Fact or Myth?

As parents, we are almost constantly comparing our child to someone else’s child (or even to our own children who have already gone through that phase of life), and there always seems to be something to fret about. Are you worried that your child isn’t saying enough words yet, or isn’t walking and he’s already a year old? These are common concerns, especially for new parents.

In my undergraduate and graduate training (and as a parent) I have learned that all of these milestones, as they are called, should really be taken “with a grain of salt.” Your child is unique, and although I am glad that researchers took the time to examine ‘what is normal development’ this results in average time frames, where very few children actually fit exactly the time frames that the development textbooks mention. Ok, so now you can calm down. (Note: If your child is far past what the milestones say then this may be cause for concern, and you should talk with your pediatrician.)

Recently, researchers have come to realize that we cannot only describe the ‘normal’ progression of infant and child development by time frames and say that this is a universal truth. Instead, Thelen (1995) for example wrote a piece entitled “Motor Development: A New Synthesis” which appeared in American Psychologist (a prominent scholarly journal). This author explains that motor development (which is typically what we parents talk about, i.e., “Yay! Johnny is walking now!” and “Oh! I had to baby-proof the house, because Amber is crawling!”, etc.) is caused by a variety of factors (i.e., “multicausal”).

Exploration and Selection in Infant Development

I will not go into all of the technicalities, but basically there is no “innate” quality in your child of crawling, walking, reaching, etc. All of these ‘milestones’ as we call them come about through exploration and selection. The first step for your child is for him to “discover” movements that get him “into the ball park” that the task demands–”a tentative crawl or a shaky few steps” (p. 86). Then, gradually your child will tune this new movement through repetition of action and perception of the consequences. For example, early in infancy your baby may flail his arms instead of grabbing the toy next to him, but this random flailing gradually becomes more and more fine tuned as he realizes what it takes to make his arms function in grabbing the toy. (In the figure below, imagine the square as being an infant and the circle as a toy. Then, the black lines are the infant’s attempts at grabbing the toy. Over time, the infant tunes this motor skill. For instance, notice the concentration of lines toward the toy over time. Pardon my paint drawing skills.).

Instead of an innate quality in the brain that determines that your baby will reach correctly at a certain age it is just that we as human beings have bodies that are all similar enough that we all come to the similar conclusions on the best way to reach (or walk–for instance, the author mentions that if we were on the moon we would likely all come to the conclusion that jumping was the best way to get around, and thus it would appear that jumping is innate around a certain age, even though it is not innate).

Seeing development this way would account for individual differences in “activity levels, body build and proportion, neural growth, [etc.]…Infants, in a sense, do the best they can with what they have. Nonetheless, because humans also share anatomy and common biomechanical and task constraints, solutions to common motor problems also converge: We all discover walking rather than hopping (although our gait styles are individual and unique)” (p. 91).

Motivation and Developmental Milestones

Another key thing to understand is that your child will develop when he is ready and motivated to do that particular thing (although not denying that there are constraints like being physically strong enough to walk, etc.). If your child has no desire to walk, then he will most likely not put forth the effort required to gain that motor skill. These milestones come about from individual motivation, not from “prespecified genetic instructions” (p. 86). Put another way, “The process is self-organizing because…what is needed to get the process going are only sufficient spontaneous and exploratory movements and some general [motivational value] for the infant…There is no genetic plan” (p. 91).

This is a very different view from the traditional developmental milestones view. Generally, parenting packets, textbooks, websites, etc. will tell you that your child should be doing things by a specific age, but really there is a wide range in individual development as children explore their world and slowly fine tune their movements.

Feel free to leave comments and questions.

Thelen, E. (1995). Motor development: A new synthesis. American Psychologist, 50 (2), 79-95 DOI: 10.1037/0003-066X.50.2.79

Image: Clare Bloomfield / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When on a date, it’s always good to ask questions. You never know what the answers will be…

It’s been a busy time for me with my daughter who is now walking around (taking some steps without holding on to anything) wreaking havoc.  The following things she has recently learned to do (some while sucking her thumb):

• Does everything humanly possible to stop me from loading my dishwasher, trying her darnedest to remove the silverware and pretend to eat with it.
• Climbs onto my bed, crawls over to her dad’s desk, and starts throwing everything on the floor.  When she’s done with that, she likes to lean on his laptop because it makes a horrible beeping noise.
• She learned how to use the stool and now has the power to throw everything on the floor that was previously sitting safely on my counter tops.
• She knows the toilet opens. She hasn’t actually opened it yet, but she hinted when she slightly lifted the lid and laughed as if to say, “Hey Mom and Dad, as soon as you’re not looking, I’m going to splash around in the toilet water.”
• She figured out how to take the lid off of a puzzle box.  Luckily I caught her in time.
• She has mastered the art of tossing all kinds of food onto my beige carpet.
• She loves to pretend to feed you and take it back at the last minute.  She thinks this is hysterical.  But she really will feed you the piece of food she just slobbered on.
• She has this cute way of distracting me when I’m doing something important like laundry.  She pulls up behind me, leans over, and smiles really big.  Of course, I have to play with her when she does that because it’s irresistible and adorable.
• Speaking of laundry, my daughter is really good at removing all clothing I just folded from the baskets. And garbage from the trash can.

Yesterday my son suggested we give her to someone else since she won’t stop doing certain things, but I told him he used to do the same.  He didn’t believe me.

In 1995, the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued a statement called “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”.  This seemed like it would be something rather earth shattering, but the message was simple and true.  I wondered why it was so important that the Lord issue this statement to us and to everyone else.

Fast forward 14 years later and I see the Family Proclamation with new eyes.  The Lord knew the pressure families would be under and most especially, marriage.

The first line states:

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

That sounded completely uncontroversial then, but now?  Quite politically incorrect, but absolutely true. 

But this message is loving.  Another part declares:

“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.”

We want all of God’s children to fulfill what they came here to do.  Every person on this earth is our brother or sister.

This phrase could possibly cause offense today:

“We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.”

This might be considered “homophobic”, but notice the “lawfully wedded” part.  This addresses just as much men and women everywhere who fail to provide their children a mother and father who are married.

After it emphasizes not only the married status of the parents, it says that children must be cared for and loved. 

This statement means the most to me:

“Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”

People are so caught up in what they want, in their “rights”, and their agenda, they don’t even think about what would be most healthy for the children they are raising.  Nature designates that a baby should have a mother and a father.  It is the way it was meant to be.  I feel like sweet, innocent babies are being used as sociological guinea pigs as they are raised by irresponsible single mothers and some people in same sex partnerships.  A man and a man will never make a baby together.  The same goes for a woman and a woman.  Furthermore, notice the emphasis on “complete fidelity”.  There is now a growing trend not only of adultery, but married couples choosing to be in “open marriages”, which is also harmful to children. 

We have compassion for those with same sex attraction, but I honestly feel like in their efforts to have the feelings they act on considered as normal and right, babies are being used as bargaining chips.  Naturally, a child will love the person who raises them, but that doesn’t mean they have been given what is best for them.

So why should we care what other people do with their children or in their relationships and marriages?  That is also answered in the proclamation.

“We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”

The disintegration of the family in any way will affect all of us like support beams in a building affecting the whole structure.  Not just the beams are affected.  The way you choose to live your life does not affect you alone.

In this last line, I see now why it was so important as our country is now trying to legalize forms of immorality, forcing it upon others. 

“We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.”

These men are prophets.  The Lord is speaking to us through them and He wants us to have happiness in this life and the next.  You can read the entire proclamation here.

Last night we got the news we have been waiting for – that our nephew was born safely and that he and his mom are doing well.  Last summer they lost their first son due to MRSA.  My sister-in-law had developed a rash they didn’t diagnose for quite some time and it spread to her baby.  With only eight weeks left to go, she noticed he hadn’t moved in quite some time and went to the hospital.  They confirmed that he had died.

At the time, I was in my third trimester and was due a month after them.  I was devastated by this news and on top of that, felt guilty that we would be having our fourth healthy child and that the news of her birth would rub salt in their wounds.  Two weeks after them, another nephew was due, so it was very hard on them.  Our children ended up being born two days apart.

I was amazed by how well my brother-in-law and his wife handled this tragedy.  They said that it brought them closer together and that they were going to keep trying to have children no matter what happened.  They were leaving it in the Lord’s hands.  Just a few months later, she was pregnant again and their second son had the exact same due date as the first.  Again, she developed MRSA, but this time they caught it early and treated it.  They had no way of knowing if it had spread to the baby, so all they could do was wait. 

Just a couple weeks before he was born, they didn’t feel him move for about four hours and they were sobbing all the way to the hospital.  It turns out he was just fine.  They were going to induce her early for peace of mind, but his lungs weren’t mature enough yet.  Finally he was born yesterday afternoon.  I was absolutely thrilled and relieved!

More than ever, our family knows what a miracle life is and I think my nephew’s parents will appreciate every moment with their son after experiencing just a terrible loss last year.  I pray I will do a better job of being grateful for every moment my kids are alive, even when they’re driving me up the wall.

My daughter is so funny.  She’s 10 months old now and learning every minute.  It’s been a rather stressful time for us and she brings us a lot of laughter – definitely something we need right now.  We were cracking up the other night about how she says, “Tickle tickle tickle”.  I can’t describe the way she says it, but it’s adorable and she wiggles her little fingers at us.

It’s funny seeing how she acts when she knows she’s doing something she’s not supposed to, like playing with the blinds on our back door.  She starts doing it and then looks at us to see if we notice.  I went over there to stop her and said, “Nooooo …..”

Her reply?  “Yeah!”

Again I said, “Noooooo …..”

“Yeah!”

Anytime she can tell we understand what she’s saying, she is absolutely delighted.  I was giving one of her brothers a piece of bread the other day and she said, “Yeah, tose!”  (Yeah, toast!”)  That’s currently her favorite food.  When she talks, we imitate what she just says and she gets the biggest grin on her face. 

She has also suddenly started standing without holding on to anything.  It really won’t be long before she starts walking – then I’m really going to be in trouble!  It’s been a long time since I had a toddler to chase around.

Unfortunately, she recently started disliking going in her car seat .  Once we’re leaving, she’s happy and good in the car, but I really have to wrestle her to get her in.  Then yesterday when I went to get her out, she was struggling as I tried to help her move her arm the right away.  She didn’t seem aware that I was trying to get her out.  Finally I succeeded and said, “There!  You’re out!”  She turned over on to her knees and said, “Yeah.”

Apparently “yeah” is going to be her favorite word for a while.

I’m getting excited for the 4th of July.  Last year while I was pregnant with her, I bought her a festive dress on clearance, which I admired and wondered what my little girl would look like.  Would she be slender like my boys?  Would she have dark hair?  Would her eyes be brown?  How adorable would she look in that dress?

I can’t wait to see how she likes the fireworks.  She doesn’t startle easily, so I think she will like them.  I still remember how my nephew reacted when he was a baby (he has Autism).  We couldn’t get him to look at the sparklers or anything because he was fixated on the letters on the blanket he was laying on.  That was one of our first clues in hindsight.

I’m so grateful for my children.  They all amaze me in different ways.  I would love to hear about yours.

My daughter turned 9 months old yesterday!  I can’t believe how quickly time passes and even though this is my 4th baby, I forget how fast they learn things. 

She’s been pulling up on everything, crawling with speed, clapping, dancing to music on her knees, feeding herself all kinds of foods, laughing at herself in the mirror, initiating peek-a-boo, making singing noises, and whenever she sees this picture on our wall of her brothers, she squeals happily.  It’s the cutest thing.  Gratefully, I can also say that she sleeps through the night, which is not something I could claim with her brothers at this age.

Yesterday she did a funny thing and I wondered if it was a coincidence.  For the first time, she took some wipes out of the baby wipe container and she just happened to have a dirty diaper right at the moment.  I wondered if that was her way of communicating that she wanted to be changed.  I suppose that could be because her brothers weren’t much older when they started bringing me diapers and wipes when they wanted to be changed.

She loves to watch what I’m doing, especially when I do the dishes now.  She looks eager to do everything we’re doing and has become interested in the pots and pans in the cupboards.  I have fun memories of her brothers wanting to help me clear out the dishwasher by handing me things.  She’ll be doing that in no time!  I hope she’ll enjoy doing our daily chores with me and that I can make it fun for her.  It will be fun teaching her how to cook too.  My boys love it.  I wonder too if she’ll branch out on her own someday to discover talents that I don’t have and can’t teach her myself.

I have the funniest memory of my oldest son when he wasn’t quite two yet.  We got home from church and shortly after we all laid down for a nap, he woke me up saying the eggs were ready in the pan.  The frying pan that morning was still on top of the stove and he wanted more fried eggs, so he cracked them into the cold pan and amazingly didn’t get any shell in it.  It was hilarious.  I didn’t have the heart not to cook them for him, so my nap was very short lived.  It seems small children are naturally productive.  Do we teach them to dislike work when they’re older?  I remember wanting to help my mom with everything when I was little, but somehow lost that desire by the time she wanted me to help with everything.

Speaking of chores, I better get to mine.  Maybe my kids will join me.