Mormon Bloggers

An online friend of mine asked if the purpose of life was to experience pain.  I know from The Book of Mormon, “Men are that they might have joy.”  I don’t think we came here to suffer, but we did come to be tested.

I imagined what life would be like without pain of any kind.  It sounds rather nice at first, but the more I thought about it, the stranger it seemed.    I thought, “If there were no pain, there would be no miracles.”

Pain causes us to turn to God.  Having our prayers answered during a difficult time increases our faith in Him.  A discussion started about some possible reasons for pain such as the ability to empathize with others.  Yes, but if there were no pain, there would be no reason to empathize.  There wouldn’t be much reason to serve each other, actually.  No hunger?  We wouldn’t feed each other.  No crying?  We wouldn’t comfort each other.  And of course if there were no pain, there would be no crying babies to offer to take care of to give a mother relief.  Would we have any comprehension of how great God is without obstacles to overcome?

What would we all do with our time if we weren’t helping each other through life?  None of us can do it alone.  I believe our trials humble us.  If we came to earth and we didn’t need anything from anyone, what would our personalities be like?  I know I am the person I am today because of what I have overcome. 

When I think about my worst trials, I don’t want to repeat them, but I am amazed by the ways I was blessed through those experiences.  When it’s over, I also have a new found appreciation for regular life.  During the three months I was ill in college, what I wouldn’t have given just to have an appetite again.  Being bored sounded like a dream.  Just to sit and do nothing without feeling constant nausea would have been bliss, but that’s not something I would have appreciated before I went through that nightmare.  I still struggle at times with my chronic illness, so I feel like celebrating whenever I feel hungry for breakfast.  I love to cook and feed my friends, knowing that tomorrow could be the start of another flare up.  I wake up grateful that I can eat even though the worst bout happened almost 18 years ago.

It’s true that some people suffer a great deal more than others and it is hard to understand.  I see those same people being bombarded with love and support.  A friend of mine has been battling cancer for over a decade and has gone through so many painful things, but his wife said that cancer is one of the best things that ever happened to their family.  What?!  How can that be?  It has taught them what is more important.  It has shown them who their true friends are, and they have been overwhelmed with gratitude because of the many ways they have been blessed through this trial, even knowing they might not have the outcome they want.  But they know that they will be happy in the eternities with their family, having no regrets because they always remember to say “I love you”.

What are your thoughts on the purpose of pain?

Snow is a rare thing around here, so when it does come, we really appreciate it.  It also brings some frustration because we don’t have enough plows to keep up with it, but it forces us to slow down and just enjoy being together.  For two days in a row, we didn’t have the TV on because we spent so much time sledding, making snowmen, and inviting nearby friends over for hot chocolate.  Tonight we gathered around our table by the fireplace to play a new game and my husband came home to some hot jambalaya after a long day of driving in the snow.  I love creating these memories together.

I love that I had no reason to stay inside.  Our daughter is three now and usually doesn’t nap anymore, so I didn’t have to tell my kids, “Maybe later.  The baby is napping.”  I wasn’t just a spectator either.  I rode an inner tube down the hill too, screaming and giggling like a little girl.  It brought back one of my favorite memories of visiting my aunt.  I didn’t care how out of breath I was climbing up the hill over and over again.  The thrill of racing to the bottom was so worth it. 

Tonight as I stood at the top of the hill, I admired how beautiful our green trees look and was amazed again by God’s creations.  He gave us so much to enjoy. 

Thoughtful friends called today to make sure we had everything we needed.  Did our kids need a ride home in their four wheel drive vehicles?  Did we have enough food?  I’m so grateful to know that people are looking out for us.  Even my dad offered to drive from his town in case we couldn’t get our kids from school because our hill was closed and I wasn’t sure how long it would take for my husband to get here.  It’s so nice that he was willing to do that.  When the school called saying the kids were being released early, I was a bit frantic.  It’s a mile away down a steep hill.  I was willing to meet them halfway if they had to walk, but I knew my daughter wouldn’t be up for the challenge.  It was such a relief when my boys walked through the door.

Now the fun can really begin.  We have plenty of groceries for now and even a clean house!  (Not for long though.)

I was just reading an article that got me thinking again about the church’s statement called The Family: A Proclamation to the World.  This part often stands out in my mind.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.

So many trials I see people I know going through right now are related to this.  I have friends who don’t know who their fathers are because of their mothers’ multiple sexual partners and failure to keep track of them.  A friend who has been trying to adopt a child through the foster care system – scores of men have been given paternity tests and it took over a year to locate the real father.  Out of pride, he is now fighting them in court even though he certainly didn’t care about the child’s mother or knew about his existence until just recently.  If he loved him, he would let him stay with the family that has cared for him since his infancy.

A relative of mine is heartbroken because infidelity led to her parents getting divorced.  It also led to the loss of one of her most trusted friends who was one of the parties betrayed in this mess.  As her unfaithful mom tried to stop the truth from spreading, she wouldn’t allow contact between her daughter and the woman,  stating that this friend had lost her mind and was claiming she had an affair with her husband.  This was her third friendship that ended due to similar claims.  The family defended her, but later discovered that she and this man were together.  Of course, she says that happened after the fact. 

Too many children are being harmed because their parents only think about themselves, whether they have them outside the bonds of marriage or allowing sin to ruin their families.  I’m now trying to convince this girl who is so special to me that happiness is possible for her in the future, but she is on a path of self-destruction.  She feels like her foundation was pulled out from under her.

Following Jesus Christ avoids so much heartache.  It amazes me what is considered the norm these days.  People don’t even seem to blink at movies portraying irresponsible behavior.  For example: August Rush.  Two people meet and instantly “fall in love”, having sex before they even know the last name of the other.  They are tragically separated, she turns up pregnant, her dad lies after the baby is born and says he died (yes, this whole plot is ridiculous), the boy has a dream of finding his parents, and they are longing to find each other.  We, the audience, are supposed to be drawn in by this “love story” when just a simple exchange of last names could have prevented their self-inflicted trial.

Or Titanic.   Never mind the devoted husbands and wives clinging to life with their children.  No, we are supposed to be devasted that this woman lost her love of three whole days, during which they had premarital sex.  Out of all of the possible stories that could have been told, the spotlight was put on the couple who had a fling.  She later marries and has children with her husband, but at the end when we assume she passes away in her sleep, who does she reunite with?  No, not her husband with whom she shared her life with.  She is reunited with fling boy!

Sleepless in Seattle.  Meg Ryan is cohabitating with her fiance and starts pursuing another man.  Then it happens again in “You’ve Got Mail”.  That’s romance?  This is what strong relationships are built on?  In reality, she would have dumped Tom Hanks for someone else when it got boring.  We’re not supposed to believe that though.  We are supposed to believe that they will be happy forever because they are soulmates and don’t even have to work at loving each other.

I can name countless movies like this and we pay to see them.  I want more examples of enduring love – the kind that gives children a place of safety and peace, knowing their parents love them and each other.  Happiness isn’t built on momentary pleasure and it never will be.

Years ago I heard a talk that made a lasting impact on me.  It was about living within your means.  This man who spoke to us was in our stake presidency and is also my dentist. 

He told us about a time he was going to college at BYU and he had very little money.  He didn’t have a winter coat and when he found one on sale, he was very excited and decided to buy it.  He called his dad about his exciting purchase and his dad asked, “Can you afford it?”  “But Dad!  I NEED a winter coat!”  He repeated, “Can you afford it?”

He finally got the point and returned it to the store, choosing to dress in layers.  That worked fine for him.  Whenever I think about making a purchase, I ask myself that question.  “Can I afford it?”  He said just because we deserve something doesn’t mean we can afford it.  Friends have tried to talk me into buying things that I “deserve”, but I told them, “I deserve a mansion, but I’m not getting one of those either.”  I also ask myself, “Is this a want or a need?  Do I think I need it or is this really about how I look to others?”  I would love to buy a couple of new skirts and lately I wear the same skirt every week.  I have started to feel a little self-conscious about it, but it’s not about me.  It’s about other people.  I can’t make financial decisions based on what other people think of me.  The skirt is cute and it goes with everything.  I’ll buy a couple more when I can truly afford it.

My daughter’s new coat came from a thrift store.  She loves it and doesn’t know the difference.  See how happy she looks?

Years ago I saw the cutest doormat.  I wanted it so bad and went back to look at it several times.  It would look so nice on our doorstep!  But it was $12.  I thought about all of the food I could buy for my family with that and decided I wasn’t getting it.  Our anniversary came and my husband said (lied because he wanted me to treat myself), “I didn’t get you anything, so will you go out and buy yourself something?”  I finally bought the doormat.  It was adorable.  It made me feel happy for a time, but you know what?

People wipe their feet on it.  In just a couple months, it didn’t look so cute anymore.  I’m also pretty sure it doesn’t do an awesome job of cleaning people’s shoes off like others do that are cheaper.

In a talk called The Responsibility for Welfare of My Family Rests With Me and My Family by James E. Faust, it says:

There is a wise old saying: “Eat it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” Thrift is a practice of not wasting anything. Some people are able to get by because of the absence of expense. They have their shoes resoled, they patch, they mend, they sew, and they save money. They avoid installment buying, and make purchases only after saving enough to pay cash, thus avoiding interest charges.

There is a lot to learn in that talk and I see areas where I can improve.  As President Faust talks about surviving the Great Depression, it hit me that there were many people to tell their survival stories because of the qualities they had.  We can get through these tough economic times too, but I feel like this generation has more adjusting to do due to being spoiled with luxuries and calling lots of wants “needs”. 

What are your thoughts on being self-reliant?