Mormon Bloggers

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Question: “I’ll be as concise as I can, but this is a bit of a complicated situation. I have known my husband since we were both 17 (we are now approaching age 50). We have been married for nearly 25 years. We have 4 children, and became members of the LDS Church when we were about 29 years old. A year later, In 1990, we were sealed in the temple. I thought my husband and I were best friends, faithful to one another, honest with each other, and quite content with our lives in general. We did face loss and grief: financial loss, loss of my father-in-law and mother-in-law, suicide of 2 of my husbands nephews, and the difficulties that raising very spirited (sometimes very difficult) children brought us. These occurred over the course of a couple of years. When I noticed my husband having difficulty functioning as well as he had in the past, I assumed it was because of these difficulties. He seemed to move past them in time. Three years ago I was helping my husband organize his desk when I noticed something wrapped up in a bag. I opened it and found a self-help tape called “How To Overcome Sexual Addiction”. I called my husband at work and questioned him about it. He said that he used to have a problem with pornography, but that he was over it. He had just been given the High Priesthood and put in as Second Counselor in the Bishopric in our church ward. Over the next few days I found out that he had still had problems just a couple of months prior to my finding that tape. He didn’t offer to counsel with the Bishop, but I mentioned that I needed to talk with the Bishop about this, and we both ended up counseling with him. Our bishop was new and quite inexperienced in this area, and assumed his repentance was complete, and kept him in the Bishopric. Over the next year I was shocked repeatedly as I found out the extent of his problem. He had not “slept” with anyone, or had emotional relationships with anyone, but he had many “lap dances” at clubs, obviously with topless and mostly bottomless women, he had phone sex, he had done other things that were offered at sex shops. This was much more extensive than I originally thought, in fact I didn’t even realize that some of these things existed. I was sheltered growing up, and just wasn’t exposed to this sort of thing. During this year my husband read a 12 step book, which he worked on diligently, and he assured me he was a changed man, fully repentant. The real shocker for me came when I said I needed him to take a lie detector test, about a year into this whole discovery. I needed to know if he had molested our children (any children), had intercourse with anyone else since our marriage, and other things. Anyhow, he came out clean on those points, however before having the test he told me that for half of this second year he was back into the pornography. I was devastated. I was also shocked to learn during the following year that, although my first sexual experience was with him at age 18, his first sexual experience was with a prostitute at age 17. I had been previously traumatized when, after having sex with me (a virgin who expected that he was one too, having had a conversation about that before hand), he told me the next morning that he had already been with someone else (aside from the prostitute, who I just recently found out about). I went haywire and became promiscuous for a couple of years before marriage after finding out about him, and realizing that a marriage proposal was not going to happen any time soon (as he made clear to me). I felt totally ruined, as virginity was sacred to me. Ok, so after marriage, I assumed that all of our old sexual childishness was over and that we would always keep our vows with complete fidelity, which I did, but obviously he didn’t. Recently, he has assured me that he was totally clean from all of this, but I found out that he lied to me again, saying that he hadn’t been on a particular website (Real Housewives of New York City), when he actually had been. He didn’t see “anything”, so he assures me, but he was on the site at 1 in the morning, and the woman he showed interest in was this coming playboy’s cover girl. He insists he was interested in their gossipy lives. Ok, then, why the lie? I lost it at that point, and suggested a trial separation, but during a temple recommend interview the stake president assured me that separation is not the answer and that complete assurance and peace about a divorce is the only way that it is acceptable. Well, I have neither assurance from above or any peace at this point. I have a family counting on me to do what’s right, which is likely to stay and make this whole thing work. My worry is a selfish one, what about me? I feel trashed and humiliated and cheapened. Help???”

Answer: I appreciate your question. The pain and trauma that you have experienced during the continued discoveries of his sexual encounters must be so painful. From what you stated it appears that you are dealing with a mountain of hurt and betrayal. I know that must be so difficult as you had hoped and felt he was faithful but clearly is not at this point. He clearly does have a sexual addiction and is not sober, at least not now. His justifications about being interested in gossipy lives and saying he has it under control is clearly a denial as to the problem since if he were really working on it he’d of included you and the Lord in his own recovery. Sexual addiction is powerfully, as it involved God-given drives, chemical changes in the body, and can become a crutch to cope with emotional challenges. Beginning with his sexual encounter with a prostitute at 17 and then the series of lap dances, bouts with online porn while alone, and the rationalizations he is offering you indicate to me that he is in fact not sober and if in recovery is likely failing currently at getting a handle on his addiction. I imagine he must be in a world of shame and hurt as well. Shame as he knows that he is living a lie and lying to you as well. He likely is coping with the porn and hoping that it’ll go away but as the research indicates pornography addiction does not ‘go away’ without significant clinical intervention. Oxytocin and Serotonin are released in the brain during sexual arousal while he is engaging in this erotic and fantasy laden sexual encounters. His brain is an organ, and the power of these chemicals, in addition to his own emotional needs are part of what rivets him to his addiction.

My counsel for you is to confront him. He is in denial and needs more than a talk tape or book. The stories you shared and likely the ones you don’t know about are fueling his addiction and it will likely continue as it is just that, an addiction and addictions don’t stand to reason as the brain (not his spirit) is amoral and just wants more and more. I recommend you confront him that he get help, serious professional help. Part of his recovery will be working through understanding how he is benefiting from the porn and encounters and helping him get out of denial and into working through it, not avoiding it. For you I recommend you read this book titled, Confronting Your Spouse’s Pornography Problem.

I also recommend you find a solid LDS counselor that has training and a history working with sexual addictions. You need support and help as you navigate the pain you are bearing with the news that your husband is addicted and thus acting out in ways that jeopardize the marriage covenant and the future of the marriage. You are not alone. Please see my other inquiries that others have made regarding this topic of pornography and sexual addiction. You are not selfish for speaking out, but courageous. It is imperative that you draw a line in the sand. Your demanding respect, virtue, and love from him is one of the only ways for him to hit bottom and then realize he is in need of help. His problem will not go away and it is up to him to get the help and work through it.

Feel free to contact me and I can assist you in finding a therapist in your area with the right training to help guide and support you as you confront and work with you husband.

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Fact: vintage celebrities are cooler than almost all modern female celebrities.

I just love this poster so much.

She, too, is an original badass. I stand all amazed.

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After last weeks post about Piano Festival, I decided to video our kids as they played their Festival pieces at their annual Piano Recital.

Below is a video of their piano performances. Don’t leave too soon or you might miss out on the best part of the whole night.

Here is the link for all of my facebook friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xq1L1ZYYdH4

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This winter The Chocoholic and The Princess made some snowmen.  I was at work while they were at home, so they made the snowmen by the sidewalk so they could welcome me home.  And then stupid teenagers knocked them down.  They were so upset!  I told them to make new ones in the backyard and then we would paint them.

To paint your snowmen, just buy some cheap spray bottles, fill with water and then put a couple drops of food coloring in.  You can make a bunch of different colors for really cheap.  The colors will fade off the snowmen over time, so keep the colors so they can be refreshed!

The kids also made baby snowmen.  See what I mean about the fading?

They found a plastic sack in the backyard, so they made “Crystal” with her long hair!

As the snowmen melted, they started leaning, and eventually some fell over.  The Princess decided it would be funny to spray them with red so it looked like they were bleeding.  Yes, I’m so proud.  But it was really cute!

They had so much fun doing this and it was a very inexpensive activity.  And with it being in the backyard, they stayed up for a very long time!

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My church has always encouraged us to get involved in our communities and in deciding who we want to put in office – not just at election time, but at the very beginning of the process.  Our leaders don’t say who to vote for, which party to vote for, etc., but when it comes to moral issues being voted on, that is a different story (and also our right to do).

My husband is very conservative and his best friend is the complete opposite.  Even though they don’t agree on many things, they are great friends and don’t let that get in the way.  Right now with the nation being divided when it comes to health care, I think about these two and their friendship.  How would they treat each other if they were to have a discussion?  They would do so by presenting the facts they know and would be respectful.  I have seen a lot of ugliness this past week with accusations of bigotry and lack of compassion on one side, and the other accusing another group of being lazy and wanting a hand out.  I have tried to add an informed and compassionate voice, breaking the contention with humor at times too.

I won’t say here which side of the issue I’m on, but that I have developed a sudden passion for discussing my view on political things.  Normally, I can’t stand politics.  I just want to live my life, enjoy my family, take part in my hobbies, worship, etc.  But I can’t complain about the way things are if I don’t get involved.  If I don’t get involved, I will feel like I failed my children. 

At the same time, I have a strong desire to each them about the history of our country and that our religion was able to be founded here because of the freedoms we have.  We believe the Constitution was inspired by God and I realized I don’t know enough about what’s in it and neither do my kids.  We have a habit of studying the scriptures together and I would like to add a little time on a regular basis to teach them about the Constitution and the sacrifices that were made to establish such a great country.

No matter what side you’re on, get involved.  I’ve spent almost this whole week studying the issues we face, making sure that I’m not passing on false information.  It is very easy to believe what someone tells you, but I like to see for myself.  That’s my nature.  When someone makes a claim, I want evidence.  I also enjoy debunking any myths that have been passed around, whether it helps my case or not.

Here is an example of the LDS Church encouraging us to get involved.  It’s not always convenient to fit these things into our schedule, but it’s a small price to pay considering major inconveniences that could happen later by getting the wrong people into office.

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Elder Willoughby (left) with Elder Kelly tasting Mongolian candy, and Elder Clark

Last Week

This week was full of exciting things. The best was Zone Conference. They taught us a new approach to use while tracking door to door. We intermediately afterward used it and to our surprise the first door let us in. It also has allowed us to meet with people that have said they aren’t interested at first. We have gotten a lot more investigators from it and it also makes tracking fun to do.

That is neat you got the package. I’m really grateful that they did that for me, it saved lots of money! There is Mongolian candy in the black bag wrapped up in the coat. I’d like for everyone to try some. Let me know what it tastes like. I have some of my own here that I chomp down on. It’s good stuff, but the other box is off limits. I’ll mention that the Wilsons are in my home ward to President and I’ll get back to you on what he says. Have fun on your temple trip Dad and Jake. I think I get to go in three weeks or so to the temple. The first time since one year.

Lisa, the person preparing for baptism, passed her interview and will be baptized this Saturday. It is neat that I’ve been here since the first time we met with her. She has made lots of changes in her life and you can see how it is blessing her. She met with missionaries before, like I said, so knows the material well. It is so great to meet with people that actually want to listen and keep their commitments.

Daniel (left) and Elders Clark and Kelly at Lisa's baptism

We also had a cool finding experience while we were trying to meet with members to get referrals. The member wasn’t home so we were walking away when we saw across the street someone working in his yard. He had a sling on his arm and his friend was helping him move some dirt. We asked if we could give him a hand and he agreed. It was kind of shocking as most people don’t let us help them. Turns out he met with missionaries a long time ago, so he knew how to “take advantage” of our help. He thought highly of our church because he said we are willing to help first, then preach, just like Jesus did. We’ll see how he progresses.

We found another family that recently moved in. Their names are Jenifer and Nat with five children. They were really receptive and open minded during the lesson. They especially liked how we focus on youth and taking care of their needs. When we first knocked they said they had their own religion and weren’t interested. We asked them a simple question and taught short doctrine and they allowed us to come back at a better time. It does seem though that everyone says they’re not interested at first. Once again the Zone Conference approach works great and I think it increased our faith when we track.

So you might be asking yourself… What is the new approach… Well let me tell ya. Instead of saying, “We are missionaries from the Church… etc.,” we just up front ask them a question. Example: Have you ever considered our relationship with God? Have you ever wondered what is the purpose in this life? It opens up their mind and allows us to teach a short principle to almost everyone we meet before they cut us off. Our President was the one who taught us. Of course we have still gotten the door slammed on us, but that just makes you want to keep going.

Columbia River Washington Temple

Looks great Dad! [The temple photographs] I really like going to the temple. I’m also happy that you raised me good enough to get me there. Thanks for everything you do. The temple is just like missionary work, but for people that have died. I took the temple picture when we had transfers about a month ago.

With all of that we also had many opportunities to do little acts of service to those around us. It is great to follow the example of Jesus Christ and represent him as we travel the streets. I know that this work is true and that God truly does love us. He answers our prayers and is aware of our needs.

This Week

Sorry that last’s week letter didn’t send… I can’t seem to figure out why these computers don’t like my camera either so no pictures.

This week was full of working hard and finding people to teach. We tried to get members to come tracking with us. It was a mission wide thing we did, and the members that came seemed to like it. Lisa was baptized and it went very well. It was neat to see how much more she is smiling etc.

We had a great experience one day while tracking, one lady called after us and said, “I’m one of yours!” So we talked to her and in what she said had lost her way, but was a convert to the church and wanted to go back. We set up for her to get a ride from some members and she came this Sunday.

We are really excited for General Conference. I really enjoy listening to the leaders of the Church. Anyhow I think I’ll get all the doctor stuff figured out. I’ll let you read last weeks letter today, it was really good, too bad it didn’t get sent. Let me know how you like that Mongolian candy.

Love, Elder Willoughby

Travelling to Zone Conference in the Tri-Cities area

Elder Daniel Willoughby is serving in the Washington Kennewick Mission. If you want to communicate with Daniel, write in the comments or use one of these addresses.

Related posts:

1. Missionary Dan Email #2 from Hermiston, Oregon
2. Missionary Dan Email #4 from Hermiston, Oregon
3. Missionary Dan Email #1 from Hermiston, Oregon

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Copyright 2009 Candace E. Salima, All rights reserved

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I promise I was on this vacation. You will just have to believe me because there is very little photographic evidence.

It was pointed out to me, many years ago, that my one true talent is shopping. This is not entirely false. But I also have a few more talents, one of which is planning trips to Walt Disney World. What follows, lucky reader, is a primer of sorts. Part one is here, part two is here, and part three is here.

Sorry for the delay in posting, but it has been 80 degrees outside, so we have been playing.

Are you ready to hit the parks? NO YOU ARE NOT.
Before you step one foot inside the ticketed area you need to get to a grocery store and buy a case of bottled water and a bunch of your soda bottles of choice. Why? Because the tap water in Orlando tastes like someone left it in a pile of pennies for six months. It is rank. And the fountain drinks are made with said water, as is the ice. You cannot drink from the fountains, and if you buy bottles from kiosks you will pay about $3 a bottle. Trust me. While you are there, grab some trail mix or some goldfish or something to munch on. And some sunblock. You can buy trai lmix and goldfish and sunblock at the park, but it is super pricey. Put your bottles and snacks in the bottom of your stroller. Remember? You were instructed to bring your stroller? This is reason #1. Reason #2 is that, to rent one, is about $15 a day. You will be hitting the parks for at least 4 days, and you want to spend the $60 on something better than a stroller.

“What?? I am spending at least 4 days at the parks?!” you say? Yes. There is no way to do all four parks in less than four days. Especially with your family. Not to mention, there is Downtown Disney, a few really Disney water parks, the sports parks, the pool at the hotel, the outlets, and the Disney Mini Golf place. And this is JUST Disney. Four days is the minimum if you want to get a lot done.

Back to the topic at hand, you have thrown your water and snacks in the stroller. Also take some light jackets, and a change of clothes (including panties) for anyone under six years old. (There is a ton to do, and kids under six still get so preoccupied that they can “forget” to go to the bathroom until it is too late. Trust me.) If you find that you have forgotten jackets, stop at one of the millions of “CHEAP DISNEY” stores you will pass on Irlo Bronson. You can grab a warm fleece that says “Orlando” for about $7. MUCH better than buying one at the Magic Kingdom for $50, especially if it is only out of parental guilt that you are purchasing one. Souvenirs are great, when they aren’t necessary purchases. Your last step is to measure your kids. Most of the “thrill rides” are for kids between 40-44 inches. Know their heights before you go, so Junior is not looking forward to Space Mountain all day, only to find out that he is not tall enough.

Anyway, you are packed and ready. Hop in your car or take the transportation from your hotel, and head to the Magic Kingdom. The parking lot you will be directed to is not ACTUALLY attached to the Magic Kingdom, but is a “transportation and ticketing center.” You can purchase your tickets here, and then take either a ferry or a monorail to the theme park.

**A note about tickets: If the majority of your children are under eight years old, don’t worry about buying the “park hopper” option. The parks are giant and exhausting, even the smaller ones (Animal Kingdom and Epcot) that close earlier. The likelihood that you are going to want to go to a second park after one of the smaller parks closes (at nine) and stay until midnight is super remote. Figure on eating dinner and heading back for bedtime. And save the $50 a person to go to multiple parks in one day. **

Choose which way you are getting to the park (the monorail is faster, but the ferry has more “scope for imagination” and climb aboard. Once you disembark, you will have to go through a rudimentary bag check, and then you are in! If it is crowded, your first step is to send Dad to Space Mountain for Fast Passes for everyone. Mom can stay behind with the kids and stand in line for autographs from the characters.

“Autographs? How lame. My kids don’t want autographs!” you say? WRONG. They will see ONE kid getting them, and then you are screwed. Plus, the ONLY way to get pictures with the characters is to stand in line for them. And ALL of the kids have autograph books and fancy pens. Trust me.

Note the $7 Orlando fleece, and Chip writing in the autograph book. I told you.

Take advantage of the characters standing on main street and get your pictures out of the way while it is early and you are in a good mood. There are other, better, places where you can get better pictures, but there is NO way to pull a kid past Mickey without him wanting to stand there. Get this done, and you can say “Remember? We already said hello! Look at your autograph book!”

When Dad comes back with the Fast Passes, you have a couple of options. Our family heads to the Disney Barber Shoppe. Seriously. It is on Main Street right next to the fire station. And W gets a haircut. Really. It is $19 and a sweet, sweet cut. They put goopy gel and “fairy dust” on top, and give him a stack of stickers for the kid. While he gets that done, we finish with the characters, and then head to the Guest Relations office to pick up a celebratory button. Disney will give you a pin to announce your birthday, your first visit, your anniversary, or even “I’m Celebrating Something!” For free. Aside from a band-aid at the nurse station, this is the ONLY free thing you will get from Disney, so take advantage. Plus, if it is your birthday, every cast member that sees you will say “Happy Birthday, La Yen!” Which is awesome for your ego.

Note the sweet fade and the fairy dust.

W’s hair is did, pins and autographs are done, so we then head to Fantasy Land and get that crap out of the way. Fantasy Land is the place with the Dumbo ride, Small World, and the little rides like Snow White and Mr Toad. It is also fifteen degrees hotter than any other part of the Magic Kingdom. The heat combined with the trillion children and the small rides makes it feel like Hell. But with churros. We get it out of the way while it is still cool and we are in a good mood. When you are done with Fantasy Land, it will be time to redeem the Space Mountain Fast Pass.

The teacups generally have a quick-moving line. But even when I am not knocked up they make me yak.

Head over to Tomorrow Land, and on your way to hit Space Mountain, stop and get Fast Passes for the Buzz Lightyear attraction. This is one of the most fun rides in the park, and everyone can do it. After Space Mountain, you are probably getting hungry. There is a pretty tasty hot dog cart in Tomorrow Land, but if you want to sit down, I recommend checking out the “casual dining” places. One of the benefits to the sit-down burger places is that on the bottom of your receipt there is a coupon for 20% off of merchandise at the Disney store. This is like pure gold filled with heroin.

After lunch, you are on your own at the Magic Kingdom–see what looks good, and have fun. Here are some of my tips that I think will help you out:

• If you want a great dining experience, make reservations (WELL IN ADVANCE) for the Crystal Palace Buffet. There are characters there, and the food is good. We try to do one nice meal a day, and this is usually our go-to at the Magic Kingdom.
• The Stitch attraction is too scary for me. And your kids.
• Do Dumbo at the end of the night. It will be MUCH less crowded.
• There is a playground near Splash Mountain, perfect for toddlers.
• You can’t get assorted Goofy Sour Balls in Orlando anymore. Only Cherry. Boo.
• Don’t have long toenails with French Tips. It makes me nauseated to see them.
• Warn the little ones that everyone is going to scream on the Haunted Mansion when you are in the elevator and the light goes out. Talk about it in advance.
• Leave the fat chicks behind. To rent a scooter at the park is $60 A DAY. Seriously.
• You can see the fireworks from just about anywhere in the park, but you can only see Tinkerbell if you are around the castle. If you don’t want to camp out for an hour beforehand, just don’t mention her. Jooj has NO IDEA. And I am fine with that.

Get a good night’s rest, because tomorrow we are going to Epcot, or as I like to call it, “Eating and Eating and Eating and Eating, and SCIENCE.”

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It wasn’t long after I married Ben, that I found out that if I wanted my husband’s attention at anytime, we had to stay away from TV’s. Why? Because Ben gets so distracted by TV that I can’t talk to him, he gets completely immersed in whatever show is on, it doesn’t matter what. This causes a lot of problems for us at home and even on dates. We actually have a list of places we can’t eat at because they have TVs on… it’s ridiculous!!

Now, you may be thinking I am exaggerating. I am not. Let me tell you a little story…

When I was about 7 months pregnant with Nephi, Ben came with me to the OB/GYN appointment. Like most waiting rooms, ours was equipped with televisions. This particular day Opera was on, which isn’t one of Ben’s normal shows, but hey, there was a TV on and there was something to watch on it.

While Ben was glued to the TV, three cops walked in the clinic with a prisoner in chains complete with orange jump suit. Everyone in the waiting room couldn’t help but watch the drama unfold. We watched as the prisoner was brought in, checked in at the desk and then escorted to a seat. His butt barely touch the chair when he shot up and tried to escape. He got about 5 feet away (12 inches from Ben!) when the cops jumped and tackled him and drug him out of the office kicking and screaming.

We all sat in silence for a minute looking at each other, still in shock from what we all witnessed. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends about it and I turned to Ben who was still watching the TV.

“Can you believe that!? I can’t wait to tell Dad! I totally thought he was going to hit you when those cops tackled him!” I told him

Ben turned and looked at me. He blinked.

“Did you say something, sweetie?”

“Yeah, HELLO! Don’t even tell me you didn’t just see what happened here!” I felt like slugging him! How could anyone have such tunnel vision!!

“What happened here? I don’t know what you are talking about,” he said.

“You mean to tell me, that you were so absorbed in Opera that you didn’t see the whole prisoner thing??”

“What prisoner?” I thought he was kidding… he had to be, right? I told him what happened and he laughed.

“Very funny sweetie! Nice joke!” he didn’t believe me! It was at this point that another pregnant woman came to my rescue and told him it was true followed by several other nodding heads. I got a few looks of pity too.

My question: do all men have this “tunnel vision” or is it just mine?

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It seems strangely fitting to have Jaime Escalante brought back into our remembrance (even if it is in a tragic sense) in an hour in which we are heavily engaged in questions of the best way to assist the least fortunate among us, and how to best reform education.  Mr. Escalante was an uncompromising educator who had the highest expectations of his students, using his mathematics classes in East L.A. to open up the opportunities of higher education to an entire generation of students for whom little was expected.

Mr. Escalante understood the principle of “teaching a man to fish” but he also understood that such a principle requires more than merely showing the starving man how to bait the hook and cast.  It requires dedication and time, to help strengthen those over whom one has stewardship until they can stand on their own.  High expectations are essential, but they must be matched by dedication, sacrifice and leadership from the front, all of which Mr. Escalante demonstrated throughout his remarkable teaching career.  He worked hard, his lessons were always interesting, and he laid it all out for his students, even suffering a heart attack in while striving to get them to excel.  In the end, the successes of his students came from the determination and hard-working attitudes of his students, which reflected his equally, fanatically determined leadership.  Jaime Escalante didn’t teach math, he shaped lives.

As we consider various models of assisting the underprivileged, the example of Jaime Escalante ought to remind us that it will require more than just money to raise the downtrodden.  It will require sacrifice, dedication, hours of thankless labor, and high expectations.  As we consider the reform of education, we should seek to develop and recruit teachers with the determination, skill and desire of Mr. Escalante, who should be rewarded according to their exertions, while their labors remain unfettered by calcified bureaucracies.

If in saying this I sound a little more right-wing than usual, tolerate me a moment.  I speak now of the future of our nation, of my own children, their education and perhaps the last, best hope to ensure a prosperous future for our nation.  If securing this future means that cherished institutions of the past (seniority, tenure) must be reformed, reconsidered, or even done away with altogether, then so be it.  I am not inconsiderate of the concerns of the Teacher’s Unions, they would not have themselves defanged and left prostrate before administrative institutions whose management track records do not inspire confidence.  Clearly, this will have to be a collaborative effort in which the welfare of the educators is not left to the whim of their supervisors.  That said, in the interests of preserving the dignity and relevance of the profession, American Teacher’s Unions need to be willing to give a little on this issue.  In truth, both sides do, in their zealous defense of their respective prerogatives, both labor and management in this system have overlooked the primary purpose for the existence of our education system:  To ensure us a future America with an educated workforce and electorate that can both help govern our nation and keep it competitive in the global arena.  For too long we have sacrificed the needs of our future to preserve the comforts of the  present, all the while forgetting that our future rapidly becomes the present.  If we now find the present greatly degenerated from the past, it may be time to reset our priorities.

Good bye Mr. Escalante, may you find many more attentive students in the hereafter.

Filed under: In Memoriam, Musings

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After your time in the MTC is up, generally 3 or 9 weeks, you will travel to your assigned mission. That might mean a drive down the street or a flight half way around the world. Arriving in your mission, for many missionaries, means culture-shock and fear of the unknown. Arriving in your mission as a new missionary is a different experience in every mission and for every missionary. But usually your mission president will see to it that you are properly oriented and taken care of when you arrive.

I recently wrote about the MTC when my brother, Michael, had just entered there.  Now he has left the MTC and he arrived in Poland this week.  Michael’s mission president took time to write about his arrival and the various activities he and the other new missionaries went through when they first arrived in the country. I thought it might be interesting to compare and contrast Michael’s experience arriving in Poland with my experience arriving in my mission in Argentina.

Arriving in the Poland, Warsaw Mission

From Torben Engbjerg, President of the Poland Warsaw Mission: “The new group of missionaries was met at the Frederic Chopin Airport here in Warsaw by my wife and I and our Assistants. Everyone seemed very excited to be here. We followed our normal procedure when receiving new missionaries. After having put their luggage in the mission van and bringing it to the mission home, we took them all to the “Rynek” (old market square), in the old city of Warsaw, where they were met by other missionaries with the assignment to give this new group of missionaries a first impression of street contacting in Poland. The weather was wonderful today, with the first signs of spring, the sun shining, as you will see in the pictures, so everything was perfect for them to have a great experience.

“[In the] early evening we fed them pizza in the mission home, after which they were allowed to retire early to bed, in order to quickly get over the jet-lag. So they are now sound asleep here in the mission home as I am writing this. Tomorrow we are going to have introductory meetings in the mission office in the morning.  In the afternoon the Assistants will take them on a brief sightseeing tour of Warsaw, after which they will be brought back to the mission home for their first interviews, the official welcome dinner and a testimony meeting.

“On Thursday morning we will again take them to the mission office for further instructions and to be introduced to their first companion/trainer, who will come to pick them up from their various work areas. This moment is always filled with excitement and a bit of nervous feelings, before they all go by train, tram, or bus to their various work destinations.”

Arriving in the Argentina, Rosario Mission

I arrived in Rosario Argentina in December of 1995. Getting off the airplane I was nearly floored by the hot, muggy weather (remember, the seasons there are opposite those of the United States). Another thing that struck me was the military guards posted at the airport, carrying rifles and looking very intimidating. Two missionaries from the mission office met us (me and two or three other missionaries) at the airport and took us directly to the mission home. At the mission home we got a brief tour of the mission office, a building directly behind the residence of the mission president and his family.  Then the mission president and his wife spoke to us for an hour or so. A couple of highlights from that meeting were:

• I got gently reprimanded by the mission president for not taking notes. As the meeting began, I was in a bit of a haze, but I was paying close attention to the mission president and his wife.  I hadn’t even noticed when the other missionaries whipped out a pen and paper and began taking copious notes. I quickly followed suit.
• The mission president’s wife told us we could follow the missionary guidelines and only drink filtered or bottled water.  Of course then we’d have to turn down water at the homes of members and non-members alike when they offered us a cold drink.  Alternatively, she said, we could just drink the water, have diarrhea for a few days, then get used to it and then be able to drink the local tap water.  I opted for the second alternative.
• Lastly, I remember the mission president telling us that though the missionary guide said preparation day lasted until 6pm and could be used to go site seeing, there were no good sites to see in Argentina.  Therefore our p-day would end at 4pm, thus giving us 2 more hours of proselytizing each week.

After the group meeting, each of the new missionaries had a one on one interview with the mission president. In that meeting he told us about our first assigned area and who our first companion/trainer would be.  After that, and within a few hours of arriving in Rosario, I was on a bus, all by myself, on my way to a city two hours to the north called Paraná.  Boy that was a scary bus ride.  I remember at every stop leaning over to the guy next to me and asking him in my broken Spanish, “Es esta ciudad Paraná?” (Is this city Paraná?). He and the bus driver were kind enough to make sure I got off at the right place.

So that was my experience arriving in my mission.  What was yours?

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