In our church, we have an activity for the youth called “Youth Conference” in each stake (a grouping of congregations) once a year. These are a combination of service and fun – well both if you have a good attitude and think cleaning up thorny bushes at the zoo in 90 degree heat is fun. Usually we were rewarded for all of our hard work with a dance at the end, which was great, because then you would get a chance to dance with whoever you had been flirting with during the service part of it.
One year we had our dance on a boat, which was pretty awesome, except the records kept skipping. It was a pretty care free night and a memory I’ll have forever. The following year we had it at a barn owned by one of our congregation members. This wasn’t the type of barn you would expect – it was used for recreation, wedding receptions, etc., it had a boy’s and girl’s bathroom, arcade games, and had no barn odor that you would expect, but the architecture certainly looked like a barn. I don’t remember dancing with anyone special that night, but watching all of my friends who I had known for so many years – some since I was 5. Some I looked at and realized I didn’t know that well anymore because we hadn’t kept in touch after our congregation boundaries changed. But I remember in particular looking at my friend Bryan and wondering how he was and would he turn out OK. He still seemed like a good guy to me and still a bit rambunctious.
The next morning was to be our testimony meeting. I spent the night at a friend’s house with some other girls and we got the news that there was a terrible car accident with about 5 kids from our stake involved on the way home from the dance. One girl was crying about one of the other boys, but I kept wondering about Bryan. It turned out he was driving and I couldn’t get my mind off of him. I worried all night.
When we woke up, our mood was much different than it would have been if the night hadn’t ended in tragedy. We arrived at the church and there was a card to sign for Bryan who had been airlifted to a trauma center. At that moment, I knew in my heart he wasn’t going to make it.
To everyone’s amazement, two of the other kids involved showed up to our testimony meeting despite their injuries. They were eager to share what they learned and it was even more shocking when Bryan’s mom got up to try to make a positive out of a negative. As Bryan drove these kids home, he tried to pass a man who he thought was going too slow. The man sped up and so did he, until it turned into a race. Bryan over-corrected and ended up going off the edge of the road where he flipped his van end to end and side to side about 11 times, and sometime during that chaos he was thrown through the windshield because he wasn’t strapped in either.
Bryan’s mom very matter of factly told us that this happened because he made a bad choice and didn’t listen to his parents. She had told him to be careful when he drove. It was determined that he wouldn’t pull through and they were basically keeping him alive for research. I don’t know if I’ve ever met a woman so strong. She didn’t act angry, but had genuine concern for the youth – that we would also make a fatal choice someday. The two boys told their stories too, one of which had a cane. He carried that for quite some time and one of the girls involved was too injured to come. I don’t know exactly what her injuries were, but from then on she had to use crutches with the arm braces on them.
Seeing the kids involved in the crash was a reminder to everyone that we weren’t invincible and that we can use our agency, but we can’t choose the consequences. After being in a coma for about a week, my old friend passed away and I had the opportunity to sing at his funeral, which his mom told me I could only do if I was sure I wouldn’t cry. I promised I wouldn’t. If she could address a large group of youth the morning after losing her son, I could certainly grant that request.
I wonder how many of us were spared from our own bad choices because of what we learned from that experience. I know for me, any time I had the urge to speed or pass anyone, I thought twice. Whatever I wanted at the moment just wasn’t worth it.