Mormon Bloggers

This morning I woke up and it was my 35th birthday.  Much to my husband’s surprise and worry, I started to cry.

I’m not crying because I’m older or because I found my first white hairs recently.  Nineteen years ago, my sweet aunt died the day after my birthday.  She was only 36 and left behind three children ages 8, 6, and 4.  It was devastating.  It hit me hard how young she really was.  As a teenager, I knew she died tragically young.  I just didn’t quite realize how young 35 would still feel.  I found myself thinking, “I can’t imagine being taken from my children a year from now, but it could happen.”

I also thought of my friend who only lived until she was 39 and how quickly the cancer took her.  I examined whether I am living my life the way I want to and the way I should be.  If I knew this year would be my last, what would I do?  Why shouldn’t I do it now?

My aunt was also an amazing inspiration to me.  She was paralyzed in a wheelchair for at least the last five years of her life and because she married a man who was less than helpful, she took it upon herself to get a paper route made possible with hand brakes on her van and her oldest child.  She woke up her three children at 5am every day and her son ran the papers to the doors.  I can’t tell you how many times I have thought of solutions to our financial dilemmas only to think, “I can’t.  That’s too hard.”

I never heard my aunt say such a thing.  She was paralyzed from the waist down and she spent a day putting tile on the bathroom wall as she sat in the tub.  She probably had one of the greatest excuses ever to get out of many things, but she didn’t take it.  She was also positive and continued to think of others.  I never witnessed her feeling sorry for herself, even when she was bedridden.  Very close to her death, she was asking me about whether there was a boy who asked me to prom.

I want this year to be a year of courage.  I want to make wonderful changes that will result in blessings for my family.  I want to be determined and ambitious.  I’m making a vow to love being 35.