Not too long ago, there was some controversy over a talk given by sister Julie Beck. She said things people didn’t want to hear – especially women. Or maybe it was the way the message was taken. I heard it and was surprised by the uproar afterwards.
Put simply, Sister Beck said it was important for LDS women to make good homes for their families. And why is this offensive? Because we have bought society’s silly myth that there is something demeaning about creating a good home. Is it always fun? No. Neither is any job. But somewhere in time, we allowed what we do for a living to reflect on who we are.
I value women very much. I appreciate the many jobs they are able to perform and I know it can be absolutely necessary for moms to work outside of the home, but I have to say, I am grateful my mom was there for me throughout every day. I would have loved her still if we had been in daycare, but I needed her to be home to teach me about life’s many difficulties. She had ample time to talk to me and we spent our summers exploring new swimming spots, relaxing at favorite swimming spots, fishing on a whim, going for walks, playing games, building puzzles, having water fights, and more.
99% of the time there was a nutritious dinner and she got up before our breakfast to make our lunches – both because she wanted to budget well and for our health. There was a snack waiting for us when we got home and she encouraged us to get outside and ride our bikes. Meanwhile, she pursued her interests in art and blessed others with her talent, also sharing with us her love of music and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She truly loved this because she lacked a home as a child. She was abandoned by alcoholic parents and recognized how important a home is. A home isn’t just a place with a floor, walls, and roof.
We were loved, fed, nurtured, and taught. Coming home to the smell of her homemade chocolate chip cookies or bread was the greatest – even better to be invited to make them with her. We had a happy home. On top of that, it was organized and clean. My mom taught us the value of doing our part and budgeting too. We were never spoiled. We were given a modest allowance and taught to save for what we wanted except for birthdays and holidays. I think that is one of the greatest decisions she ever made – to deny us luxuries so we would be responsible.
The majority of what I learned happened in my home. It has a great influence on every person for good or for bad. So what is so wrong with saying that we should make the best homes? I really didn’t take this as saying we should be the next Martha Stewart, but there is so much value in what we do as mothers. Life is unpleasant when the house is in chaos and leads to contention and frustration.
Now to share why this is on my mind. A close adolescent relative of mine is in a hospital with suicidal thoughts and this can be traced back to the lack of nurturing she has endured these 15 years of her life. Her mom made her career and money her number one priority until it all fell apart and led to the shocking end of her marriage none of us could have predicted, enraged some of us, but most especially her daughter. Having children was never in her plan and way more than she bargained for. It was apparent her daughter needed more time and attention, especially since she was diagnosed with special needs. A child shouldn’t have to come home, make themselves a can of soup for dinner, and eat it alone.
Children don’t become happy, well-adjusted, secure people on their own. It is a sacrifice to raise them, but worth every minute. At the end of our lives, we will want to be surrounded by our kids – not our money, our trophies and other awards, or the praise of strangers. I want to be remembered for making a great home for my family filled with love, the Gospel, music, good food, laughter, and my undivided attention.
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